Exploring My Relationship with the Term "Crossdresser"

The term crossdresser is one that I have a deeply ambivalent relationship with. At times, it rolls off my back without much thought, but at other moments, I find myself feeling irritated, frustrated, and even offended by it. The discomfort it brings me isn't just about semantics or political correctness; it strikes at the core of how I see myself, my identity, and how I wish the world understood me.

For some, the term might feel neutral, or even affirming. It could offer a kind of identity label that helps others describe a part of themselves, especially within a society that loves categories and labels. But for me, it feels much more complicated than that. I don’t crossdress - I simply dress as myself. I wear clothes that reflect how I feel inside, and for some reason, this basic act of self-expression is considered "crossing" some invisible line. But why? And whose line am I crossing, anyway?

This inner conflict is worth unpacking, so I want to share a little bit about my journey with the word crossdresser - why it sometimes feels innocuous and other times offensive, and ultimately, why I don’t think it really describes me at all.

The Neutral Moments: Why I Sometimes Don’t Care

Let's start with the times when I don’t care about the term. In those moments, I suppose I am more accepting of the world as it is. After all, language is a blunt instrument, especially when it comes to something as nuanced as gender and identity. People often rely on terms like crossdresser because that’s what they know; it’s what’s familiar. In many instances, it might not even come from a place of judgment, but simply a lack of understanding or an attempt to grasp something beyond their own experience.

In those neutral moments, I’m able to acknowledge that the concept of "crossdressing" might serve as a stepping stone for some people on their path to understanding gender diversity. After all, historically, this term provided visibility to individuals who dressed in ways that didn’t conform to their assigned gender roles. It’s a label that helped start conversations and push boundaries, even if it's a flawed one. For a lot of people, it might still be their way of acknowledging that traditional gender expectations are not the only reality.

I try to remind myself that, for some, using the word crossdresser could be the beginning of their own journey of understanding. They might not have the words to fully capture the complexity of gender identity, but they are making an effort. In these cases, I don't feel the need to correct people aggressively. I just let it be. Maybe they’ll learn, maybe they won’t, but in those moments, it feels less about me and more about their process.

The Other Side: When the Term Feels Offensive

But then there are the other times. Times when the word crossdresser feels like a heavy stone weighing down my identity, reducing it to something less than it is. It implies that I am putting on a costume, that I am playing a role, or stepping into someone else’s skin, when in fact, nothing could be further from the truth. I am dressing as myself. I am not performing someone else's gender or mimicking an identity I don’t own. I am simply expressing the way I feel inside, the way I understand myself to be. So, to call me a crossdresser feels not just inaccurate, but dismissive, as if my identity is a costume I can take off at will.

When people refer to me as a crossdresser, it often feels like they’re focusing on the superficial—on the external appearance of clothing—while ignoring the internal truth of who I am. It's as though the essence of my identity, my sense of self, is being erased or dismissed because it doesn’t fit neatly into the binary understanding of gender that so many people hold.

Another reason I find the term problematic is that it maintains the idea that there is a “correct” way for a man or a woman to dress, and that deviating from those standards is an act of "crossing" into someone else's territory. This framing implies that my identity is somehow inherently wrong or that I am stepping outside the bounds of acceptability simply by wearing what feels natural to me. It places me in opposition to some societal standard I don’t even subscribe to.

"I Don’t Crossdress—I Dress as Myself"

At the heart of my discomfort with the term crossdresser is the simple fact that I am not "crossing" anything. I am dressing as myself, as authentically and genuinely as I can. The clothes I wear aren’t just pieces of fabric; they are extensions of how I understand myself, how I wish to be seen by the world, and how I want to exist in it.

When I choose an outfit, it's not about challenging societal norms or making a statement—at least, not intentionally. I’m not trying to be subversive or controversial. I’m just trying to be me. The idea that my clothing could be interpreted as an act of rebellion or provocation is both baffling and, at times, deeply frustrating. I don’t want my existence to be political or controversial; I just want to be.

When I wear a dress or skirt, I’m not wearing “women’s clothing” as much as I am wearing my clothing. These garments make me feel comfortable, at ease, and aligned with my internal sense of self. Reducing that experience to the idea of crossdressing feels trivializing. It feels like my expression of self is being flattened into something superficial or even fetishized, which strips away the complexity and authenticity of my experience.

Society’s Need for Labels

There’s also the bigger picture to consider - society’s obsession with labels and the need to categorize everything. In many ways, the term crossdresser is a product of this obsession. We live in a world that constantly seeks to define, compartmentalize, and make sense of things that challenge the status quo. And while labels can be useful for some, they often oversimplify complex experiences, forcing people into boxes that don’t fit.

Gender, identity, and expression are fluid and nuanced; they don’t fit neatly into the binary framework that society has imposed for so long. Yet terms like crossdresser continue to reinforce that binary, suggesting that people who dress outside their assigned gender roles are somehow violating a set of rules or norms. The reality, though, is that these "rules" are arbitrary, and they don’t account for the full spectrum of human experience.

I understand that, for some people, labels like crossdresser may feel empowering or accurate. But for me, it feels limiting and disconnected from my reality. I’m not trying to “cross” anything - I’m just living as myself, unapologetically.

The Path Forward: Claiming My Own Identity

Ultimately, my relationship with the term crossdresser is a reflection of my broader journey toward self-acceptance and authenticity. I’m learning to let go of the need for society to understand me perfectly or to have a label that fits just right. What matters most is that I know who I am, and that I continue to express that truth in ways that feel genuine to me.

That doesn’t mean I’ll never get frustrated by the way people describe me, or that I won’t ever feel offended when someone uses the term crossdresser to label my existence. But I’m trying to focus less on the words others use and more on how I feel in my own skin, in my own clothes, in my own life.

I am simply me, and that’s more than enough.

I don’t need a label to define who I am. I am simply me, and that’s more than enough. And fortunately for me there are a few people who love me just the way I am!

Conclusion

The term crossdresser will probably continue to provoke mixed emotions in me. At times, I’ll be able to brush it off as a relic of society’s limited understanding of gender. At other times, it will sting and feel like a misunderstanding or even an affront to my identity. But as long as I continue to dress in a way that feels right for me, the opinions of others matter less and less.

Because in the end, the clothes I wear aren’t about crossing any lines—they’re about being myself, as fully and authentically as possible.